Monday, January 24, 2011

It Snowed...

(I know...I know..these photos are not working with me here...they want stay right side up.)

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Dear anonymous:

Dear anonymous:

I just want to let you know that you don’t hurt me anymore. When I think of you there is no ill will, there is no wanting to bash your head into a wall, there is no love lose. There is no hoping you feel like s$%t because you hurt me. There is no wondering what you are doing right now BUT….But there is forgiveness. Forgiveness for not loving me the way you should have. Forgiveness for the way you treated me, forgiveness for all the horrible thing you said to me. There is forgiveness for you always "taking it out on me" even when it wasn't my fault.
There’s forgiveness for myself for letting you do all those thing to me. There forgiveness for myself for not realizing sooner that I deserve better people in my life then you.

There’s love….love that can only be given to us by our creator. Love that passes all understanding. I don’t want to forgive or love you. I want to stay hurt and be hateful to you. But the beauty of forgiveness…is being able to love the world even when they are beating you, spitting on you, cursing you and hoping you never get back up. Forgiveness is the strength to stand up and ask your abuser (the world) if they will forgive for you for whatever you have done to them

Forgiveness is not an easy thing to come by. It’s difficult, hard, long process…...and I am still in the middle of that process.I tell the Lord often that it really isn't fair that people/world can do whatever they want to us and we still have to forgive them.The Lord really doesn't respond to me but I do get a feeling that he understands where I am coming from.Think about it...He gave up his life for us and we still ignore him, blame him and abuse him, doubt him,hate him, yell at him and give him the cold shoulder on daily bases.He never holds it against, still loves us when come him and always answers in some way when we call on him. He gave us the best example of forgiveness.

You don't have to earn forgiveness can be only strings attached.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


...its nasty little word to me. It wiggles its way into your heart silently and the effect can be devastating to say the least. I know, I know my out look on hope isn't that positive....but I will work on it.

The reason I have these feeling about hope is because it scares the S!*t out of me to actually have HOPE about something. Because when it doesn't happen I am so disappointed.

I don't like having hope cause then that means I have no control over the outcome. With hope, you just have to wait and see what happens.You just hold on for dear life......

I hope I can let someone love me one day

I hope I own my own bed and breakfast one day

I hope I can have a family of my own

I hope this year is better then last

I hope I can just move on

I hope one day I feel that the Lord actually loves me

I hope I don't lose anyone else that I love




I hope I am brave enough to have hope one day.....