I have reeked of unbelief, of the world, of self deprivation , of not giving a s**t about anything He did on the cross for me. AND he still took me back. He still put his royal robe around me and his best jewels on my fingers after I walked down the long road back to him. He still made a feast for me to set at and consume while surrounded by celebration of my return even when I didn’t deserve it. I am the prodigal daughter.
I have held it against him, for years, at the vastness of which he loves me. It actually makes me mad to know that where ever I go whatever I do he will love me regardless. I don’t deserve anything that he gives me. He gave me this life I have because he loves me. It a big idea to wrap my brain around. It a big feeling to wrap my feeling around….this love of the creator of the universe.
He has followed me to Hell and back. He was in the dark with me. He was beside me when I was cutting myself to piece because I couldn’t handle anything around me. He was sitting beside me when I couldn’t feel anything from the lose that I had gone through . He was in the room when I didn’t want to live anymore…He was always there. I just didn’t want to feel him there. I have learned that God is still there even when you are ignoring him, not believing that he exist or just flat out flipping him the middle finger. He may give me some breathing room cause he is gentleman at the end of the day…but he never leaves me.
The things I have said , the things I have done the blatant disrespect I have shown him. The things I have yelled and screamed and cursed. I have pushed, shoved , kicked and bitten him( figuratively). All the attitude I have thrown at him….he still hasn’t left me. You think I would give up and believe that he loved me and that he was never leaving me…...but I don’t. I don’t deserve this captivated love of his But he has proven himself to me time and time again….He is not leaving me.
I am the prodigal daughter. I have returned after spending all my inheritance and waking up smelling like pig s**t. God welcomed me back . He is whispering his declaration of love to me everyday. BUT I am still standing on the front porch in disbelief, with my jaw dropped open, that he would take me back. That he could love me with out a second thought about it, with out making me jump through hoops for him to take me back. He didn’t yell or scream at me about how stupid I was for leaving. He didn’t tell me I told you so…..He just gave me the best of everything and told me how much he missed me and how much he loved me. He told me how beautiful I was and that I was good enough.
I am the prodigal daughter. My relationship with God is not anywhere near perfect. Its unusual and I am pretty sure it offends some people….but I have said my vows to him, I have made my covenant and whispered my declaration of love to him. Don’t get me wrong…I have tired to leave again but this time because of the vows and the covenant I have made… cant go anywhere….I am my beloveds and he is mine. That’s a scary kind of love to me….a love I don’t understand, on his part…why would he love me?
His love has been breathed into ever fiber of me.I am thankful for that kind of love. I am thankful that he found me time and time agian. Iam thankful that not materr how hard i puch him away he will never leave...even though it make sme made some time.
I am prodigal daughter…standing stunned into silence and disbelief at the front door.
God is the greatest example of true love. He show me everyday what it means to love someone cause he loves me just like Corinthians says….
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.