So, my job is going away. I have to find a new. “They “are telling to apply for position in the company, but there are not a lot of them that I think I am qualified for or just don’t want to do them.
I am not fully stressed out about it but I am concerned...."stressed" not quite there yet. I have applied for one position, probably will not even get a call back, and I have talked to a supervisor here about another position. We will see what happens.
I don’t want to work in an office really. I never have but this has been a job good for me. It has taught me a lot. But I feel like I am missing something. I feel like if I just think hard enough or search hard enough I could see “it”. By “it “ I mean what I was meant to do with me life.
I have a calling and a purpose. I have been going around and around the issue since I was about 10 years of age, (that's a young age to start worrying about your life) “ Lord what do you want me to be?” I would ask, I never got an answer. About a year ago I did hear the Lord tell me that my calling “ is to be you”. Strange! Cause me being me it not always pretty thing, ya know what I mean?! But that’s what he said. ...several times to me. There was a vision thrown in there too but that may freak you out so I want go into it right now. He made it clear, you are who you are because that is who I need you to be. My question is “for what?” What am I doing with my life that you need me to be me? I don't know how to explain " me" really, I don't know how other people would explain me.....but I am not the kindest , softest, most compassionate person you every meet..HA!
I can’t put my finger on it. I think if I just had some time I could figure it all out but I don’t have time. I need a job so I can pay my bills so I keep living a life. I want to travel and see the world; I have too much wanderlust in my blood stream for my own good. I feel like if I see the world then I will figure out where I belong…maybe there is corner some far off place were I fit perfectly and that’s were I will see what I was made for. Maybe where I am now is my far off corner where I do belong and I just need to learn to be happy where I am….huh! We will think on that one.
I feel deep down that I was called for something, it just hasn’t come my way yet. I feel like am suppose to be here but that I am suppose to be somewhere else too. That does’t make scene, I know. It driving me crazy, I want my future now!!!! I want to figure out what I was” made “to do. I am good a lots of things but I am not really great at anything, I want to know what I great at! I want a job I love and I want it to mean something….and it still pay my bills and give me enough money to travel.
I am not complaining I am just frustrated…at not knowing why “being me” is all He has called me to be, because in mind, who I am just is not good enough….
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Elisabeth, I really felt your pain here because I have been there. Wanting so desparately to find my calling. I always thought I was meant to be really blessed, called to be great in whatever it was..I just had to igure it out. So I found out that through an admin job at a gutter company, that I was kind of good at sales..so it went like that for me until I figured it out. My advice - for what is worth- is to sit down and compile a list of what you love to do, what you are good at and what your dreams are, and then figure out which job best matches that...and then jump in feet first with all the passion you can..Thats what I did and I found - even without a college degree- that nothing could stop me..I LOVE YOU! You are a sassy, driven and powerful, and you have Jesus on your side. Sounds like a recipe for success to me. Christy Foy
ReplyDeleteThanks Christy!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI like you just the way you are, too :-) I hope you´ll find a dream to chase. I understand the feelings you´ve expressed here. It´s not easy to know what your purpose is in life.
ReplyDeleteeva
I appreciate your sharing! Please fill me in on the vision if you want. You KNOW it wouldn't freak me out! I will keep you in my prayers. I can sympathize (not directly, but someone I love is going through this, too). Love you!
ReplyDeleteWell, I hope that you don't move far away! You already live too far from me!
ReplyDeletewell i tried to post a comment, but i got excited and clicked on another link and i erased it....
ReplyDeleteso I was going to say... in your Easter blog, you have had a great revelation of what Jesus did on the cross... sooo, who you are HAS to be good enough or else Jesus wouldnt have done it.
The other thing is... that this whole "not good enough" thing is all a fine line. We all know that although we were worth it to Jesus, we, in ourselves, have nothing that makes us right before God but the blood of Jesus... in that we realize our dependancy on Him, and on Him we rely. When we do that we can be the masterpiece that he created us to be.
You know the sculpture "David?" That masterpiece was always under that marble, but it tool the artist to carve it out... its all in the process... you are in that process and your personality and character are shaped by God... and that is your calling... to be who He made you to be... everything else is a facade.