So, my job is going away. I have to find a new. “They “are telling to apply for position in the company, but there are not a lot of them that I think I am qualified for or just don’t want to do them.
I am not fully stressed out about it but I am concerned...."stressed" not quite there yet. I have applied for one position, probably will not even get a call back, and I have talked to a supervisor here about another position. We will see what happens.
I don’t want to work in an office really. I never have but this has been a job good for me. It has taught me a lot. But I feel like I am missing something. I feel like if I just think hard enough or search hard enough I could see “it”. By “it “ I mean what I was meant to do with me life.
I have a calling and a purpose. I have been going around and around the issue since I was about 10 years of age, (that's a young age to start worrying about your life) “ Lord what do you want me to be?” I would ask, I never got an answer. About a year ago I did hear the Lord tell me that my calling “ is to be you”. Strange! Cause me being me it not always pretty thing, ya know what I mean?! But that’s what he said. ...several times to me. There was a vision thrown in there too but that may freak you out so I want go into it right now. He made it clear, you are who you are because that is who I need you to be. My question is “for what?” What am I doing with my life that you need me to be me? I don't know how to explain " me" really, I don't know how other people would explain me.....but I am not the kindest , softest, most compassionate person you every meet..HA!
I can’t put my finger on it. I think if I just had some time I could figure it all out but I don’t have time. I need a job so I can pay my bills so I keep living a life. I want to travel and see the world; I have too much wanderlust in my blood stream for my own good. I feel like if I see the world then I will figure out where I belong…maybe there is corner some far off place were I fit perfectly and that’s were I will see what I was made for. Maybe where I am now is my far off corner where I do belong and I just need to learn to be happy where I am….huh! We will think on that one.
I feel deep down that I was called for something, it just hasn’t come my way yet. I feel like am suppose to be here but that I am suppose to be somewhere else too. That does’t make scene, I know. It driving me crazy, I want my future now!!!! I want to figure out what I was” made “to do. I am good a lots of things but I am not really great at anything, I want to know what I great at! I want a job I love and I want it to mean something….and it still pay my bills and give me enough money to travel.
I am not complaining I am just frustrated…at not knowing why “being me” is all He has called me to be, because in mind, who I am just is not good enough….